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Thank you, Taylor Swift, for helping me dominate my fantasy football league
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Date:2025-04-15 03:03:02
There was a remarkable piece of data that was on the NFL Network's fantasy football show recently about Kansas City tight end Travis Kelce. It was the most important statistic in the history of statistics because it had to do with Taylor Swift.
Kelce is averaging 22.3 fantasy points a game when Swift attends his contests. When she is not at his game that number drops to 17.6. This is the type of data analysis that wins Nobel Prizes. I'm serious. I'm not serious but that's still incredible.
There's more about the Swift Effect. ESPN's Stats & Info reported this week that in the four games Swift has attended, Kelce is averaging 108 receiving yards per game. He's averaging 46.5 when she's not at his games. Cause. Correlation. Checkmate.
"Kelce is getting better with time," said Kansas City coach Andy Reid, who if he had a fantasy team would also have Kelce on it. "Taylor can stay around all she wants."
Swift rules the planet Earth. She can go where she pleases.
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Swift does a number of remarkable things including saving the economy. But Swift is doing something far more important: She is helping to lead my fantasy football team to a championship by inspiring Kelce.
Like many of you, I'm a fantasy football degenerate, err, player. I'm obsessed and Kelce is on one of my teams and for the season he has 48 catches for 525 yards and four touchdowns. Few other players, on either side of the ball, are in his class. Absolutely no one cares about my fantasy team except me, Travis, Taylor and Andy, but because of Kelce and Swift, my team, Borg Cube, is 6-1. And it's all due to my leadership skills and Swift.
Some of this is tongue in cheek, of course, and some of it is serious because, well, Swift is going to win me the title. But there's a larger picture here and it's just how remarkable Kelce has been this season.
I used to believe that former Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski was the best player in history at the position. There are few tight ends in history that had Gronkowski's size (about 6-6 and 260 pounds when he played) and ran as fast as he did (about a 4.7 40-yard dash). He was one of the worst matchup nightmares of all time.
Cornerbacks were too small to cover him. He'd just body them, boxing them out like LeBron. He'd outrun linebackers, and safeties would struggle defending him because his route running was so sharp.
Gronkowski won four Super Bowls, made five Pro Bowls, and was named to the league's 100th Anniversary Team.
Remarkable, and even more stunning, is the fact that Kelce is probably better.
Like Gronkowski, everyone in the stadium knows Kelce will get the ball, and defenses still can't stop him. This goes beyond play calling and scheming. It even goes beyond the stratospheric skill of quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Kelce's ability to run routes with the smoothness of Justin Jefferson, and his uncanny second sense in finding openings in zone coverage makes him almost impossible to cover.
Also like Gronkowski, as good as Kelce is, the Kansas City tight end benefits from the accuracy of his quarterback. Gronk had Tom Brady and Kelce has Mahomes. Brady is the best quarterback of all time and Mahomes, who is just 28, has a realistic chance of reaching the same heights that Brady did.
Last week, at home against the Chargers, and with Swift watching, Kelce had 12 catches for 179 yards and a touchdown. NFL Research says it was his fifth career game with at least 10 catches and at least 150 receiving yards. No other tight end in history has four such games.
When it comes to just receiving yards in a game, only Hall of Famer Shannon Sharpe is in Kelce's class, according to NFL Research. Kelce has five career games with at least 150 receiving yards; Sharpe has six.
Being in the same company as Gronkowski and Sharpe, and perhaps even surpassing them, is simply stunning. Kelce is doing things that football may never see again.
But back to the important thing: my fantasy team.
When I win my championship, and raise that imaginary trophy above my head, my opponents staring angrily, jealous of my Swift-charged title, I will remember her. Not because she's a worldwide star or generational talent who creates billions of dollars of revenue. No. Who cares about that?
I will remember her as my teammate who pushed Kelce to be his best. Thank you, Taylor. May I call you Taylor?
I will send you tickets to my victory celebration. But hurry. They are going fast.
veryGood! (39)
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